The Choices You Make
by lissylou78
Summary: Set post Charles' proposal -That conversation between Elizabeth and Jack always irked me. This was cathartic piece and maybe out of character so be warned...I've been toying with this for awhile, and tonight I just thought what the heck, and this is what came out. So much for a one shot )
1. Chapter 1

After Charles had left Elizabeth had wondered where Jack was. She waited another half hour before heading out to look for him. She smiled upon seeing him chop wood. As he got closer, she sensed that something was a little off.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," she said affectionately. It was unlike him to forget they had plans.

"The church was low on firewood," he answered not looking at her.

"I thought we were going for a ride after school?"

"We were, but you had company." He said still not locking gaze with her. Elizabeth's heart dropped,

"How did?" she stammered looking at him. Finally he briefly met her gaze,

"I came to pick you up, Charles was there on bended knee," he replied taking a good whack at the wood before him. Elizabeth dropped her eyes for a moment before looking up,

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough to know that I shouldn't be listening. So I left" He answered grabbing another piece of wood from the pile.

"I told him no Jack," she stated in disbelief that he had easily walked away without even waiting for her answer. For immediately thinking the worst.

"He wouldn't be there if he didn't think he had a chance,"

"I never gave him any reason to believe that," she replied evenly.

"Why is it every time I think the past is the past something like this happens?" he questioned,

"I don't know, because life is messy and people are messy." Elizabeth reasoned,

"Maybe somethings aren't meant to be." Jack said softly looking up at her. Elizabeth felt as though he had physically stuck her, shock evident in her face. Taking a breath, she swallowed,

"You don't mean that." Jack saw the unshed tears behind her hurt eyes.

"I don't know what I mean right now," he replied unable to look at her.

"Jack, we can't go back. Not when we've come this far. It's over with Charles, once and for all." Her voice shook as she spoke.

"I don't know if I believe that." He said honestly with a definitive uncertainty written all over his face. With one last act of bravery Elizabeth took a step towards him as she said,

"Well let me convince you." She stood before him begging him to see through her, to see past his pride and see her and how she loved him. She placed a hand behind his head and brought her lips to his. As he stood there unresponsive Elizabeth looked at him hurt, her eyes conveying what shattered inside her. She stepped back and looked away not allowing him to see just how much he had hurt her in that moment and turned to walk away. Jack watched as she did wanting to go after her, but his feet had refused to move.

Elizabeth had walked all the way to Abigail's in a daze, unable to fathom what had just happened. They had been so happy just that morning, and now they were where they were. She had began to process the afternoon that had unfolded and she was acknowledged that she was angry. Angry that Charles thought for one moment that she would even consider marrying him after knowing that she loved Jack. Angry that Jack was there at the church and watched as Charles go down in one knee and walk away not even willing to fight for her. Or have faith in her or them to jump to the conclusion that she would even say yes. Angry that he couldn't look at her as though she had done something wrong. Angry that he didn't believe her when she told him she said no to Charles and there was no future with Charles. After everything they have been through. Hurt that he stood there like a statue as she kissed him as though he felt nothing for her at all. Angry that he made it look so easy to just wash his hands of her, that at the first sign of trouble he jumped ship without even discussing it with her.

"Elizabeth, you're back early. How was the ride?" Abigail asked as she walked through the door. Elizabeth looked up at Abigail, still in a daze

"We didn't go."

"Elizabeth, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Abigail, would you mind if I went up straight to bed? I'm not feeling very well."

"Of course not. Can I get bring anything?" Elizabeth shook her head,

"No thank you." Elizabeth dragged herself up the stairs to her room. She had taken a bath and put herself to bed refusing to process anymore. She found the more she processed the angrier she got and the angrier she got the more tired she felt.

Jack couldn't shake the look on Elizabeth's face as she pulled her face away from his. He had hurt her and it haunted him. He made his way to the café hoping to speak with her, as he entered and scanned the café she was nowhere in sight. Normally she would be helping with the dinner rush, or helping Abigail in the kitchen or doing lesson plans in the back room. Abigail caught his wandering eyes knowing what he was looking for,

"She's gone to bed." She answered his unasked questioned. He looked at her surprised, guilt written all over her face.

"Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to wrestle it out of her tomorrow morning?" Abigail asked as she ushered him to sit with her in the kitchen allowing Clara to take over for a bit.

"I'm pretty sure, I've messed up. I saw something and I got angry, and I pushed her away."

"What do you plan on doing about it?"

"Convince her that I'm still in this." Abigail gave his arm a gentle squeeze before rising to her feet.

"I hope so."

Elizabeth woke early the next morning and found Abigail baking for the day sun was not yet up, and the morning dew lay thick in the air.

"Elizabeth, you're up early. Would you like some breakfast?" Elizabeth shook her head and made herself a cup of tea.

"No thank you, I'm not very hungry."

"Did you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"Not really," Elizabeth looked up at Abigail and let out a deep sigh

"Charles proposed," Abigail gasped making Elizabeth chuckle.

"Yeah and that's not even the gasp worthy moment. It seems Jack had walked in on it."

"What do you mean seems?"

"Well I didn't know he was even there until I went looking for him as he never showed up at the school for our ride. I found him taking his frustration out on unsuspecting logs. He basically doesn't believe me when I tell him that there is nothing between me and Charles. He thinks I've given Charles a reason to hope. That he's no longer sure of us, or that he believes in us." Elizabeth explained without emotion, purposely separating herself from the content she was relaying.

"Give him time,"

"He can have all the time in the world Abigail." Elizabeth replied resolute. She stood to her feet and washed out her tea cup.

"He came last night looking for you. I think he was ready to talk." Elizabeth sighed.

"He's the one who wanted space. He has it. I'm going to head to school." Abigail nodded knowing Elizabeth needed space.

Jack headed to the café as usual hoping to walk Elizabeth to school but as he entered, Abigail had told him she had already left for the day. He thanked Abigail before running out the door to look for Elizabeth, his gut told him the more time he allowed Elizabeth to avoid him the harder it would be to regain the ground they had made. As he got to the school he found Rosemary at the blackboard,

"Rosie, where's Elizabeth?" he asked his forehead furrowed with worry.

"She asked me to take her class today. She said she wasn't feeling well."

There were advantages in knowing Jack's schedule. It meant for Elizabeth she knew when he would be doing rounds therefore succeeding in avoiding him at all cost. When Elizabeth had walked into the café that evening, she had slipped in undetected. She had taken a bath and went straight to bed as she did the night before.

"Abigail, have you seen Elizabeth?"

"Not since this morning. I was going to wait for her to have dinner but realised her coat was already hanging. So I went upstairs but she's already gone to bed. Have you still not spoken with her today?"

"Not for the lack of trying Abigail." He said running his hand through his hair in frustration.

"I don't suppose you're going to let me go up there and demand to speak to me would you?" Abigail smiled at him,

"If I thought it would help you both, I would. She is under the impression you're done. You wanted space, so I guess this is her giving you space." Jack flinched, he was confused yes. Hurt, absolutely but they weren't done. Not by a long shot. The look on her face as he remained still beneath her kiss was on replay in his mind.

"We're not done, and if she thinks we are then she's sorely mistaken."

"Did you honestly think she would have said yes to him? Did you really think she'd given him any indication that she would ever return his feelings. That girl has been in love with you as long as you have been in love with her and you've both been too stubborn to admit until now, but the moment she chose to stay in Hope Valley, chose to stay in part for you, she was all in. Do you have any idea the magnitude of what she walked away from to choose to be where she is today? She made her choice because it was the right one for her. She is not the same spoilt rich girl you judged her to be in the beginning, and to be honest Jack she never was. You need to reconcile that." Jack knew that Abigail was right. He kept getting stuck because he kept losing the Elizabeth he loved in the idea of who he thought Elizabeth to be at the beginning.

As Elizabeth walked out of Abigail's door early the next morning she found Jack asleep on the swing on the front porch. Quietly she turned to walk in the other direction hoping not to wake him.

"So it this how it's going to be? You're just going to keep avoiding me?" he asked sitting up. He had woken to her coming out of the door and wanted to see what she would do. Elizabeth stopped but didn't turn around. Jack stood to his feet,

"Elizabeth please." He watched as she took a deep breath before turning around to face him. The Elizabeth that stood before him was guarded, her countenance screamed that she no longer trusted him and he felt his heart tighten at the thought. With her arms folded she wordlessly challenged him to say what he had to say.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I behaved the other day. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry I made you feel as though we were done. I was hurt, and I was angry, and I didn't allow you the opportunity to explain. Elizabeth, I'm sorry." Elizabeth nodded,

"Thank you. Apology accepted." She replied not making a move towards him, her words felt empty in his ears.

"Elizabeth, please talk to me."

"I tried that. I always do. It doesn't matter in the end does it? You still doubt me, and after the other day, you're always going to doubt me so what's the point?"

"Elizabeth,"

"When you came to Hamilton that first time, you left because being in my world made you uncomfortable, so instead of trying to understand that part of my life, you left me to come back to Hope Valley without a backward glance or even a proper goodbye. The second time we were at Hamilton you accused me of wanting you to be someone you're not, so again you left me alone in that forsaken train station. Refused to ride in my train car because you couldn't bring yourself to sit with me, or to look at me. You accused me of not knowing what I want or knowing who I was. I told you in that mine that I loved you, despite the magnitude of how scared I was, I went all in. I told you I loved you, because that was what was true. What I realised Jack is I'm done apologising for who I am. You're the one who keeps walking away out of fear that I am not being true to myself, but it's you whose pigeon holed me into your idea of me. You accused me of not accepting who you truly are, but Jack you're the one who never accepted me. You're the one who's never been able to shake the fact that I was the princess you had to watch because her rich father insisted upon it."

"That's not true,"

"Jack, you walked away from the church without a shadow of doubt that I would say yes to Charles even though you knew that there was nothing romantic between us. That I have never entertained his advances. Again you walked away without a backward glance. You had the audacity to say to me that I must have given him a reason to believe he had a chance. You looked me in the eye and told me maybe some things weren't meant to be. You stood there as I kissed you as though you didn't know me. But maybe that was the most truthful moment we've ever had. Maybe it is because you don't know and me and you never really did."

"Elizabeth,"

"When Rosemary came to town and you never told me that you had been engaged it hurt. Having to watch as she actively pursued you hurt. Charles and I grew up together. He was one of my best friends. My intentions were clear and I had made it known to him, to my family that it was you I wanted. I took a step back with due respect to you, and it was the right thing to do. I would do it again. But it was you who walked arm in arm with Rosemary, it was you who went shooting with her, it was you who allowed her to direct your steps. You may have eventually gotten your point across, but I certainly had to live through all that. You told me that I had to allow you to build my faith up in you once more, and I did. It's you who never had the same faith in me."

"That's not true." He repeated as his voice shook with emotion,

"Maybe not for you, but the other day when you could barely look at me as though I had done you wrong, I realised that we can keep having the same conversation until I'm blue in the face, it doesn't change the fact that you don't trust me or in me. Because if you did, I don't see how you could have just walked away from that church. Did it even occur to you to fight for me. If I said yes, would you have really just let me say yes and let me go? Well I guess you did." She said with a chuckle.

"Let's pretend I lived up to your expectation of me. Because if you've believed it all this time, why wouldn't you later? Jack, I may love you but I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to have to convince you that I'm all in. It's too hard, and it shouldn't have to be so hard all the time. So taking your lead, I'm done because I no longer know what I believe too." Elizabeth turned and headed towards the school leaving him to his thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

** Wow you guys, thank you so much for the reviews. I so appreciate it. Please enjoy part two. I'm not entirely sure it requires anything further, but open to suggestions**

Elizabeth had let school out early that day. She headed straight to Abigail's old row house which was now hers. She had been thinking and talking to Abigail about it since before Christmas. With Clara and the kids, she knew that it was getting crowded at the cafe. She also knew that she needed a place to call her own. A place that was hers to plant her own roots. She loved the possibilities of uninterrupted dinner dates with Jack. She was going to tell him during their ride that she had picked up the key earlier that morning.

She had spent the whole day that she was avoiding him in the row house cleaning it up. She had gotten so much done and all the was left was to paint. She walked around what was now her place and smiled with pride. She couldn't wait to move in.

As she painted she heard a knock on the door. She stopped still, with the exception of Abigail and Frank who had been doing the heavy lifting for her no one else knew that there was an impending move.

"It's me." She heard Abigail say from the other side of the wall. Elizabeth met her at the door smock and all,

"Don't you look the part,"

"One tries," she answered with a rueful smile. Tension had been brewing between them as Elizabeth had expressed her concerns about Cody. Cody wasn't listening to Elizabeth, coming to school late and Abigail had brushed it off claiming he was still adjusting which did not make it easy for Elizabeth when she had him at school and at home.

"I brought you some muffins, I thought I could give you a hand." Elizabeth smiled at her friend.

"Thank you Abigail, I really appreciate it."

They worked mostly in silence. Abigail could tell from Jack's countenance when she saw him at lunch that things had not gone well with Elizabeth and Elizabeth clearly was not ready to talk about it.

"This place looks great Elizabeth," Elizabeth stepped back and looked around, the labour from the last couple of days had made all the difference. It was now liveable. With the new coat of paint, it was home.

"It does," she replied proudly in quiet contemplation.

"The paint should be dry by tomorrow so Frank offered to help me move my things in the morning."

"I'm really going to miss having you under my roof." Elizabeth gave Abigail's arm a squeeze,

"You'll still see me every day," she assured her friend,

"I'm holding you to that."

Abigail left her later that afternoon to get ready for the dinner rush. Elizabeth insisted on staying to make sure all was ready for move in the following day. The furniture was sparse but she had already ordered a few things that were due to arrive in the coming weeks. For now she had what she needed.

Jack kept a close eye on the café all afternoon waiting for her to return, to which she never did. He had gone to the school hoping to walk her home and found that she had released the children early. He had looked for her on his rounds and could not find her. Her words echoed painfully in his ear. He was ashamed of what she had summarised before him. As he heard her speak the words and felt the emotion behind them, he couldn't blame her.

For the hours that followed he was replaying the events at Hamilton from her point of view. Of Rosemary's return, how Rosemary continued to taunt her with her their history and Elizabeth's lack of skill in certain areas that she excelled in. How he had stood by and never came to her defence how he exited those situations because it was uncomfortable, leaving her to fend for herself which she did well enough, but as he looked back he had never given her a reason to fight for him, but fight for him she did.

Had everything she said been true?

Late in the evening he saw her tiredly walk up the front steps of Abigail's café. He opened the door of the jail and he watched as her steps quickened upon recognising the sound of the door, without looking in his direction she entered the café.

Early the following morning he sat on the front porch of the jail waiting for her to come out. He missed her. He missed her so much it was hard to breathe. The knowledge of how much he had hurt her plagued him and he didn't know how to fix it.

It frightened him that she may be lost to him forever.

He watched as Frank pulled up with a horse and a buggy. His heart skipped a beat as he came out with what looked like Elizabeth's suitcases. Quickly he stood to his feet to cross over to the café as she came out of the door. He saw the look of frustration in her face at the sight of him headed towards her.

Elizabeth could tell that Jack immediately jumped to the conclusion that she was leaving Coal Valley which vexed her even more.

"Elizabeth, Ned mentioned last night that a few of your things had arrived so I'll go pick them up and meet you?" Frank said noting that she and Jack would need to talk.

"Thank you. I will be right behind you."

"Elizabeth," he began,

"Jack," she replied tiredly,

"You're leaving?" Elizabeth rolled her eyes heavenward,

"Of course that's the first thing you think," she muttered softly to herself,

"No, I'm moving out of Abigail's and into her old row house." she answered not providing any further information

"Can I help?" he offered,

"There's no need, everything is pretty much done. Frank's just helping me with my suitcases. But thank you for the offer. I should really get going."

"Elizabeth, can we maybe have dinner? Go for a walk, talk?" she shook her head,

"I just need some time Jack,"

"I'm sorry. I never meant…" he began

"I know, it is what it is. I guess some things are as you said, not meant to be." She said so definitively that it took a moment for it to sink in.

"I don't want that to be true,"

"So it's okay for your declare it, but I'm not allowed to agree with it?"

"I didn't mean it."

"There's so many things I now question Jack. What you meant and what you said are all blending into each other and I honestly don't know what I believe to be true in the things you've said. At the moment, they're all just words. I don't say that to hurt you, it's just where I am right now. I have never been less than truthful to you. It hurts to think after all this time, after everything we've been through you didn't actually believe it. Worse yet you didn't believe in me."

Jack took as step forward making Elizabeth jump back. It hurt that she refused to let him touch her. Deep in his core it pained him to see how much he had hurt her and that she doubted everything they had shared.  
"Elizabeth," he begged.

"Let me make this right,"

"If that was your truth, then there's nothing to make right."

"My truth is I love you. My truth is I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I don't know how that could be if you thought for a moment that I would just run away with Charles after he proposed. How is that your truth?" she argued frustrated,

"I was jealous, he is everything I'm not." Elizabeth took a deep breath,

"My truth was, I chose you." The weight of her words hit him as she stood there without wavering looking him right in the eye allowing him a moment to see what those words meant, and what it cost her.

Elizabeth saw Frank come out of the mercantile in the corner of her eye, he and Ned were loading her disassembled bed frame and mattress on to the buggy, as well as a study desk.

"I have to go," she said not waiting for him to respond. He watched as she helped Ned and Frank load a couple of more things to the buggy before they she and Frank headed to her row house. She was completely moved in within an hour. She and Frank had carried her mattress upstairs and she insisted that she would be fine to put together her bed frame. Frank sensed she just wanted to be alone, and let her be.

Jack had dinner at the café, and if he were honest it was because he wanted to catch a glimpse of her, he just wanted to be near her. Abigail felt for him but Elizabeth's feelings were justified. He was lost in his thoughts when she sat on the seat in front of him.

"She's never going to forgive me is she?"

"Oh Jack, Elizabeth isn't one to hold grudges. She's not withholding forgiveness from you. The chances are, she's already forgiven you. She's hurt. You just need to give her some time. She fought for you. Maybe it's time you fought for her."

Elizabeth enjoyed her new home. That first weekend, she had hardly left it. She basked in the silence and felt at peace despite the chaos in her head and the tightness in her heart. After church on Sunday morning she skipped brunch at Abigail's and headed home to do some writing.

Later that afternoon there was a knock on her door, with an apple in her mouth and a book in her hand she answered the door not lifting her eyes from the page she was on until she finished the sentence.

"Jack," she exclaimed in surprise removing the apple from her mouth. There he stood with a newly cut Christmas tree especially for her. It was a week before Christmas and school was out until the new year. She hadn't really thought about a tree, but most of her thoughts had been filled with nothing but their drama for days.

"I thought you could use a tree."

"You didn't have to do that." She replied,

"I know, but this is your first Christmas in a place that is yours. You deserve your own Christmas tree." He was thoughtful, she'd give him that much. She opened the door wider and waved him in.

"Wow, it looks great in here." He said as he looked around the room. In such a short time she had made it hers.

"Thank you. Abigail helped me paint." But it was more than just paint, in every corner of that row house, was her. From the throw blanket on the couch, to the desk he imagined she wrote on to the pictures on the walls she had hung.

"Beside the fireplace okay?" he asked,

"Perfect," Elizabeth watched as he carefully leaned the tree on the wall before heading back outside to grab the stump that would hold the tree in place. After setting the tree upright he grabbed a box he had brought with him and took it inside.

"I brought you a few things for the tree," he handed her the box as he placed the skirt for the tree around the bottom. Elizabeth looked through the box and found he had brought popcorn, cranberries, strings, different coloured paper, glue, ribbon and glitter.

"I was hoping we could decorate your tree together." Elizabeth closed her eyes,

"Please," he said softly, reluctantly she nodded. She wanted nothing more than string popcorn and cranberries with him and decorate the tree, but it also wasn't that simple anymore. He could see that her mind was going a million miles a minute.

"Don't overthink it," he pleaded.

For the next hour they worked together in stringing popcorn and cranberries for the garland on the tree. Jack suggested they make gingerbread cookies for decoration pulling Elizabeth straight into a Christmas bubble.

She had been practising and had recently mastered the cookie making therefore she was excited at the prospect of baking ornaments for her tree. Their first batch was a success however, Jack kept eating them instead of icing them,

"Jack stop," she said laughing at the sight of him forgetting for a brief moment. It was the first time she had genuinely smiled in days, let along laugh. He decided right then and there that her laugh was his favourite sound in the world. Elizabeth caught herself and bit her lower lip and resumed cutting out the rest of the dough. Not wanting to overwhelm her he pretended as though he hadn't noticed and just swiped another cookie before starting to ice the cookie before him.

When the ornaments they had planned to hang was finished, they had began to decorate the tree. When they had hung every ornament they made and the ribbons they tied, he bent down to grab something from the bottom of what she thought was an empty box,

"I made this for you," he said handing her a shoe box tied with a ribbon,

"Jack, the tree was more than enough." She protested.

"I've been working on it for a few weeks, I wanted to give it to you for the tree we would decorate together, whether it be at Abigail's or the jail. Just worked out perfectly that you had your very own tree to decorate this year. Elizabeth took the box from him, her hands shook she was so nervous. As she lifted the lid of off the box she gasped,

"Jack, she's beautiful." Elizabeth lifted the hand carved wooden angel out of the box.

"I thought you'd need an angel for your tree." The detail was intricate, and it brought tears to her eyes knowing how much love he poured into it,

"Thank you," she said wiping her eyes quickly with the back of her hand. Jack desperately wanted to touch her face and wipe her tears away but he knew she wasn't ready and that she would more than likely ask him to leave so he settled for a nod,

"You're welcome Elizabeth."

That evening was what she had always imagined and hoped for, but it broke her heart that little bit more. Overwhelmed she turned so that her back was to Jack.

"I'll go make us some hot chocolate," he said giving her the space he knew she needed. He placed the pot on the stove and filled it with milk to warm and pulled out all the fixings of a hot chocolate. When Elizabeth had composed herself she sat at the kitchen table and watched him navigate her kitchen as though he was a permanent fixture,

"Why are you here?" she said so quietly that had he not been still he would have missed it, he turned the flame to low and joined her at the table sitting in front of her. Bravely he took her hand and held it with both of his,

"Because I love you. Because I am not ready to give up on us. I'm not ready to give up on you. I refuse to think you're ready to give up on me and on us. So I'm here Elizabeth and I will be here everyday to convince you that I love you. That I am here, that I am all in. If it takes the rest of my life to do it, I will. Because it's you Elizabeth, only you. I choose you." His eyes didn't leave hers as he spoke, and there was a pinch in his heart to see the flicker of doubt behind her eyes.

"I don't know how to erase the look on your face from my head," she said placing her hands over her eyes as she sobbed.

That was what haunted her. Every time he walked away from her, to the look he gave her as he told her he didn't know what to believe to his stone like face when she kissed. It was on loop and repeat and it hurt every single time.

Jack stood to his feet and pulled her into his arms, her arms remained to her chest shaking her head not wanting to look at him. For the rest of his days, Jack would never forgive himself for what now haunted her.

"Elizabeth, please look at me." She shook her head,

"Please," Elizabeth looked up at him as he brought her hands to his face,

"I love you, from the depths of my soul to every inch of my body. His eyes conveyed what his words desperately wanted her to hear. Without warning he brought his lips to her and kissed her like he had never before as though his life had depended on it, and it in his heart it felt like it did.

"I love you," he said it over and over again before drawing her into his arms and hugging her tightly against him.

"Jack, my head hears you. You just need to let my heart catch up okay?"

"I would wait an eternity for you Elizabeth Thatcher."


	3. Chapter 3

As Christmas approached things at Hope Valley got busier. Elizabeth had been helping Abigail at the Cafe in her time off. She had considered going home to Hamilton for Christmas but she admitted to herself going home would equate to running away from her problems with Jack.

Whilst they had come to some sort of truce, she was still guarded. It pinched at his heart to see her filter when she had never done that before. She wasn't cold or reserved exactly, he just saw that there was a difference in her countenance. What he once was privy to, it saddened him to realise he no longer was.

Elizabeth had spent the morning baking cookies with Cody in cafe. Once they were done she had excused herself from lunch and headed home. It was the noon of Christmas Eve and she needed some time for herself. Mainly to reconcile how different it was to how she had imagined it in her head only weeks ago. It was the be the first Christmas she and Jack would share as a couple and she so looked forward to it, and now she couldn't help but be disappointed. She had packed herself lunch and snacks before heading to the stables with her satchel that carried her provisions and journal.

Jack had come to Abigail's knowing that Elizabeth had been there earlier that day. He wanted to ask her to attend midnight mass with him that evening and maybe take a walk after.

"Hi Mountie Jack, Miss Thatcher left a little while ago." Cody offered the information without being asked as he walked through the door. Jack met Abigail's gaze who gave him a small smile. She felt for both of them.

"Let me pack you some lunch while you some lunch while you change out of your serge. I saw her head out with her Thunder about a half hour ago." Jack nodded gratefully as he went to get changed.

Elizabeth had a few hiding places and unfortunately for her, Jack knew them all therefore she know it would only be a matter of time before she was found but there was a comfort in knowing that he would always find her.

Jack tried not to panic as she still remained un-found after checking several of her spots. In the end he had found her by the lake,

"New spot?" He asked as he dismounted from his horse. Elizabeth looked up from where she sat on a blanket, leaning against the oak tree as she wrote in her journal.

"Not really. How was your rounds this morning?" She asked thoughtfully gesturing to the space on the blanket. Jack accepted her unspoken invitation and sat beside her,

"Nothing to report thankfully."

"That's always good," she agreed.

"I hope you don't mind me joining you," he said earnestly. Elizabeth placed a hand over his and shook her head,

"Of course not," she assured him. Jack covered her hand with his other and kissed her cheek wanting nothing more than to kiss her endlessly. Instead he smiled before releasing her hand to dig into his own satchel for his sketch book and pencils. He didn't want to force their conversations and just wanted to be with her and if that meant in silence whilst she was writing and he was drawing, that was more than enough for him. She smiled and dropped her lips to his shoulder before she resumed writing in her journal trying not to feel self conscious about his vicinity.

"Are you hungry?" She asked a little while later,

"I packed lunch, we could share." She offered.

"I am getting hungry. Abigail actually packed us some lunch in case you hadn't eaten."

"That's very thoughtful of her." They both reached into their respective satchels to bring out their offerings to share.

"Elizabeth did you make these muffins?" He asked as he took a bite of the corn muffins she had made. Elizabeth nodded shyly,

"They're great. I can see why Abigail has been asking you to bake more at the cafe,"

"Thanks Jack. She's a great teacher and I've been practicing at home. I quite enjoy the process now that the end results are no longer disastrous."

"They were never that bad," he began but she shot him a bewildered look making him stop and chuckle,

"Okay so some were," he relented

"Thank you though,"

Elizabeth eventually pulled out a novel she was reading and began to read while Jack continued to sketch. From the corner of her eye she could see the confident strokes of his pencil and watched the blank page come to life. He was drawing the school/church with perfect recollection, but then again he did build it. She found herself abandoning her book and be totally captivated by his drawing. Through the window of the church he drew her standing by black board looking animated in whatever she was teaching the children.

"You always draw what you feel is the very best version of me," she breathed softly,

"That's how I see you," he said solemnly meeting her gaze,

"I feel like sometimes you hold me up such a high pedestal that the only way for me to go is down," she confessed,

"You doubt my love for you, so you immediately think that I could or would walk away from you. You're so afraid to lose me, or to get hurt by what you think I might do that you immediately jump to the wrong conclusion as though it would hurt less if you expected it. In the end it doesn't protect you, it just hurts us both." Jack brought his hand to the back of her head and held her gaze. It hurt but it was a fair summation.

"I'm so sorry." Was all he could say.

"I know, but I don't know how to fix that for you Jack. I don't know what else I can do to make you see that I'm all in. That the moment I said I loved you in that mine I was in. I take responsibility for my part in your doubts. With Billy and especially for Charles. I let my insecurities and uncertainty between us dictate how I navigated those relationships and for that I take responsibility. Until Billy came along I never knew what to make of your feelings for me and even then it left me confused. You resented me for so long for getting you assigned to Hope Valley and then even when we were getting to know each other you said that Mounties weren't meant to have wives. I took that as though you weren't interested so I entertained Billy's attention. I'm not making excuses. If anything it helps me understand why you don't trust me or in me. But Jack if we're actually going to get through this, if we're really supposed to be together, you need to admit that to you. There's a reason why you left Hamilton that first and second time. Why Rosemary pursued you for as long as you did, why you compared me to Faith when you first met, how you could think I would want to change you and she never did. The truth is you don't trust me. You love me and you can't imagine life without me but you don't trust that I love you enough to never let you go. To trust me enough to know I would fight for you. Most of all you don't trust that I believe you're more than enough. Which hurts because for all that you think I want, need and deserved...all I ever wanted was you and that wasn't enough." Elizabeth's filled with tears, she tore her gaze away from his and wiped her eyes.

"Elizabeth," he said brokenly, unable to argue with her for there was so much truth in what she was saying.

"I love you but I don't know if that's enough Jack. You deserve to love someone you trust with your whole heart." There were so many words flying through his mind but none came out of his mouth. He wanted to argue with her but he couldn't. The more he stayed silent the more hurt she became. He could see that she wasn't angry, this was worse. She was resolved. Wordlessly he drew her into his arms and hugged her tightly against him.

"You are my life, you are everything to me." He murmured in her ear pleading for her to hear him, she stayed still and unmoving in his arms.

"I'm not denying there's some truth in what your saying. I know that when it comes to you and any other man I lose all perspective. I didn't mean to make it seem as though it was you I didn't trust, I trust you Elizabeth. I trust you with all my heart."

"You don't have to say that Jack," she dismissed detangling herself from his arms but he would not allow it, his arms remained firmly around her.

"That day at the church, I was angry because Charles proposed. Angry that he proposed to the woman I love. In the church and school house I built for her. I couldn't bare to listen to your answer not because I thought you would say yes but because I couldn't get the image of his kneeling down on one knee in our school house. I was so angry because had I been there 10 minutes earlier it would have been me kneeling down before you, not him." Elizabeth inwardly gasped as she looked up at him, as though answering her unasked question he had pulled out the engagement ring he had kept in his jacket pocket. There in his hand sat a black box. It made sense why he was so angry, it softened her heart a little.

"Elizabeth, I love you. I trust you with me heart. I want to marry you because there's no one else in this world that I want to do live this life with. If I didn't believe in you or in us, I would never have thought to propose." He begged her to understand. As he began to open the box in his hand she stopped him placing her hand over his. Her eyes pleaded with him not to continue,

"Not like this." Jack nodded understanding,

"For what it's worth, I would have said yes without any hesitation." She said softly, mourning for what could be.

"Hey," he said bringing her gaze back to me meet his as he cupped her cheek with hand,

"The moment you're ready, this ring will be on your finger. This ring is yours. Just as my heart is."


	4. Chapter 4

Christmas and New Year came and went. Whilst it was not the Christmas and New Year that they had imagined, it turned out okay considering how the festive season began. Jack and Elizabeth spent a considerable amount of time together. He sensed that she was still guarded with him but she wasn't pushing him away. A lot of hard truths were aired and they did their best to navigate them.

Viola's wedding was coming up and whilst she wanted Jack with her, she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to have him leave her in Hamilton one more time and it was a risk she wasn't willing to take. Jack had found the invitation taped to her notice board at home and waited for her to mention it but she never did. He understood her hesitation and why she never brought it up.

"Hey, I thought you'd be at the cafe," Jack greeted as he walked through the schoolhouse doors. She looked up and smiled as he bent down to kiss her hello. She cupped his cheek with her hand,

"I guess I lost track of time. I'm just getting all the lesson plans done for Rosemary, in the off chance she will actually follow them," she added with an amused eye roll. Rosemary had volunteered to take over her class while she was away for Viola's wedding and she was grateful.

"Do you have much to do? Can I help?" He asked as he pulled a chair up beside her. Elizabeth grinned,

"Constable I think we've established you're a distraction," she said as she planted a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Don't you start Miss Thatcher," he answered playfully.

"I'm actually done. I just need to pack up."

"So I was thinking if you're up for it I would cook us dinner at your place."

"That sounds lovely Jack,"

"Well if you're done I'll walk you home, before I grab a few things from the mercantile. Did you need me to pick up anything for you?"

"Why don't we go to the mercantile together?" She suggested,

"That sounds like a plan Miss Thatcher,"

Side by side they prepared dinner. Elizabeth had whipped up Jack's favourite pumpkin chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies for dessert, mostly for him to take home. As they ate dinner Jack kept a hand over hers. Whilst he was always physically affectionate with her, the last few weeks have made him even more so.

"Did you want to talk about it?" He asked addressing the elephant in the room. She was leaving for Hamilton the next day and neither of them had really mentioned it directly. She knew that he knew, and he knew that she knew that he knew.

"Yes and no." She answered. Jack laced his fingers with hers and kissed her on the forehead encouraging her to go on,

"I'm going to Hamilton to Viola's wedding."

"That's a good start Sweetheart." He said with a smile,

"I didn't ask you to come because I know you would, simply because I asked and I just,"

"Didn't want to give me another opportunity to leave you at the train station at Hamilton?" He finished as she looked away. He placed a hand on her cheek,

"Sweetheart, look at at me." His quiet voice pleaded. Elizabeth closed her eyes before she turned to meet his gaze. He saw the hurt and fear behind her blue eyes and it knocked the wind from his stomach. He pulled her into his arms hugged her tightly. He knew for the rest of his days nothing would haunt him more than knowing just how much he had hurt her. That he had walked away from her so often that she had that playlist on loop in her head.

"I understand why you didn't want to ask, and I wish I could replace those images in your head. For the rest of my life I will regret nothing more than hurting you the way I had. I'm so sorry Sweetheart."

"Oh Jack, we hurt each other. I'm not blameless in this. I know the part I played in where we are. You said we can get through anything as long as we do it together right?" Jack pulled away just far enough to see her face but not loosening his hold on her.

"As long as we're together." He promised. Elizabeth nodded and hugged him tighter resting her head on his shoulder.

After they had cleaned up from dinner they sat on her couch. Jack was reading out loud while Elizabeth was ensconced at his side, head resting on his chest, his arm wrapped firmly around her. His one hand holding the book and the other lay rather intimately on her waist. When she closed her eyes it was what she imagined it would be like to be married to him. Never having to say good bye at night. The thought of leaving him to go to Hamilton of all places saddened her. Lost in her thoughts she didn't realise that he had stopped reading. The hand that lay on her waist tucked a loose curl behind her ear as he kissed the top of her head.

"Penny for you thoughts," Elizabeth looked up and gave him a somewhat guilty smile.

"You can have them for free. I was just thinking how much I was going to miss you while I'm gone." Unconsciously his hold on her became firmer. He brought his forehead to hers,

"I'm going to miss you too."

Her stage was to leave early the next morning and the gentleman that he was, was at her door to pick her and her belongings up at dawn. They had an early breakfast at Abigail's before he walked her to where her stage was waiting.

"See you soon," Abigail said as she hugged her friend goodbye.

"Yes you will," Elizabeth promised.

Abigail left Jack and Elizabeth to say their goodbyes in private. She knew that both of them were both hesitant to let each other go for their own reasons. After everything they have been through and were still working through, she couldn't quite blame them.

"Be safe sweetheart. I'll be thinking and praying for you." He said as he cupped her face with both hands and kissed her not caring if it was inappropriate. Elizabeth placed her palms to his chest and looked up to meet his gaze,

"I love you Jack," his eyes watered seeing the weight behind her words as she opened the window that had been closed since he let her walk away from him.

"I love you Elizabeth, more than you'll ever know." He replied kissing her once more before hugging her tightly.

"You better go before I don't let you go at all." Elizabeth smiled,

"Be good. I'll see you soon." She said giving his lips one last kiss before turning to climb up the stage. Jack helped her in, reluctant to release the hand he held in his.

"Bye sweetheart," he murmured bringing her hand to his lips before letting it go. She smiled at him and nodded.

"Bye,"

"Come back to me," he said in a whisper holding his hand to his heart as the stage pulled away.

Jack stood unmoving long after the stage was out of sight. Abigail joined him handing him a cup of coffee.

"I'm guessing you both didn't have much sleep last night, you might need this to get through the day." She said as he looked at her with a smile.

"Yes, that should help with the tiredness. What do you have for a longing heart?" Abigail smiled at him,

"You already know the answer to that." Jack draped an arm over her shoulder and kissed her temple before heading back to the jail to get ready for his day.

Elizabeth had plenty of time to think on her journey back to Hamilton. She realised early on in her journey that she no longer referred to it as going back home. She thought a lot about Jack in her travels. They had come so close in losing each other, and there was still a part of her that was ashamed to admit that she was still scared that they still could lose one another.

She loved him and she knew he loved her, but she wondered if that would be enough. She wanted to know that they were both holding on so tightly to each other for all the right reasons. Whilst she couldn't imagine a life without him, she wasn't entirely convinced that he trusted her with his heart entirely. They had come leaps and bounds in the last few weeks and there was a part of her that didn't want to leave because she didn't want to lose their momentum.

The moment Elizabeth walked into the Thatcher mansion she was engulfed in the chaos that was her little sister. Julie's excited chatter wasn't for their older sister's wedding but for Elizabeth's visit. Out of everyone in the world, Elizabeth was whom she loved the most. For all of Julie's recklessness and abandon, Elizabeth loved her wholeheartedly. Always the one to come to her defence and shower her with the patience she knew she rarely deserved. Without Elizabeth in their home it was lonely one for her.

"Miss Elizabeth, this came for you earlier today." James, their butler said as he came into the kitchen where she was making herself a cup of tea. It was the first moment she had alone since she arrived a few hours before. He handed her a wire. She bit her lower lip as she proceeded to open it. James was about to give her privacy when she reached out her arm to stop him.

"Please stay," James obliged but took over from where she was making her tea.

"My darling Elizabeth, I trust that you have arrived safely. I miss you already and I love you so very much. Yours, Jack." Her smile grew beyond her eyes as she held the letter close to her heart.

"Thank you James, I didn't realise I needed that until I read it."

James was Elizabeth's favourite person in their household. He had been the Thatcher family butler back when her father was still a little boy. James had a soft spot for Elizabeth from the moment she was born. She was always the different one. Always with her head stuck in a book or asking a thousand questions, never one to care if she got dirty or scraped her knee. As she grew up Elizabeth more often than not confided in James. When she moved to Hope Valley, she continued to confide in him through her letters to him. He knew about Jack, which is why he had waited until she was alone before handing him the wire unsure if it would cause unnecessary ripples for the days of Elizabeth's visit. It didn't surprise him that Elizabeth would fall in love with someone who was noble in person and profession. She was never concerned about status or money. Whilst she grew up in a comfortable life, he had no doubt she would make it on her own in the frontier.

"How was your journey?" he asked as he slid her teacup in front of her as she sat on the stool by the kitchen island. She smiled as she brought the tea to her nose. It was just as she liked it, the way he used to make it when she was growing up and needed to be comforted.

"Thoughtful," she answered.

"Ominous," he replied teasingly as only he could.

"Jack and I have had a rocky couple of months, we've been working through it but we both got ourselves in a mess, and we're just trying to get through it together."

"Do you love him?" he asked unnecessarily as he knew the answer,

"With all of my heart," she answered without an ounce of hesitation.

"Then that is all that matter Ladybug," he said patting her hand before leaving her to her own thoughts. As she sipped her tea she had written a wire to send to Jack.

Elizabeth had been pacing outside her father's study door when James caught her and shook his head. He knocked on her father's door for her before gently steering her to go inside.

"Beth, come in. It is lovely to have you home."

"Thank you Father, it's lovely to be here. I was hoping we could talk," she said as she fidgeted with her hands,

"Of course, take a seat." He said leading her to the sofa in his office,

"I wanted to say thank you," she began,

"For what?" he asked confused,

"For always supporting my choices, even when you don't agree with them. I know how hard it was for you to let me go to Coal Valley, but you knew how important it was to me, so whilst it was reluctantly, you gave me your blessing. I am so grateful that you did because I have learned so much being away. About life and about myself, the lessons have been far from easy, but I wouldn't change a day of it. I know you always thought that this was temporary, that one day I would settle down, and that I would return home but Daddy, whilst this will always be home in my heart it is no longer my home. Hope Valley isn't a phase. It's where I've been called. It's now my home." With tears in his eyes he placed a hand over hers,

"I think I knew that the moment I read your letters, but as your father you can't blame me for trying convince you otherwise."

"Thank you for loving me so much, for always doing what you feel was best for me. I have never felt less than loved, but Daddy I'm no longer a little girl." William sensed that their conversation was about to take a turn,

"Daddy, I love Jack. In my heart I know he's the one for me. He's not perfect, and I certainly am not, and we have so much we still need to work out, but Daddy I love him and I need you to try because it's already hard enough and I don't want to have to battle you too. He's a good man Daddy. He takes care of me like you do. He treats me the way you've always showed me I deserved to be loved."

"I just want what's best for you Beth,"

"Then believe your not so little girl anymore when she tells you that it's him. You need to trust that you have loved me enough to know what I deserve Daddy, to know a good one when she meets him because she had the best example. I love him enough to fight for him and whilst I would do so in a heartbeat I don't want to, so please don't make me. I need your blessing Daddy." Wordlessly William Thatcher drew his daughter into his arms and hugged her tightly,

"If it is my blessing you need, you have it." He said softly cradling her head as she wrapped herself around him as she used to when she has his little girl.

"Thank you Daddy,"


	5. Chapter 5

Here's the final chapter to this story. Thank you to all who took the time to review. I appreciate it more than you know. Enjoy!

After her conversation with her father Elizabeth had felt as though a huge weight had been lifted her shoulders. There was a part of her that regretted that she hadn't done it sooner, that thought had she done it sooner Jack would never have doubted her and he would have walked through those church doors whether or not Charles had been down in one knee. At the same time she knew that there was a lot to learn from their time apart and how it had taught them both much about each other, and about themselves. That it was their separation that determined their conviction of their love for each other. She wanted so much to see him and tell him about the conversation she had with her father, as much as she wanted to write him she knew it was a face to face conversation they had to have.

With her mother resting, Julie out on an errand that Viola had sent her out to Elizabeth had some time to herself. She had left her father in his office knowing he had much to do for work before the wedding festivities began and he would be caught in the social whirlwind that she knew deep down he didn't really enjoy. With a book in her hand she sat in the gazebo that overlooked the lake in their property. Growing up the gazebo was one of her favourite places to read and write. Being so close to the lake it was a little too close to nature for her sisters so it almost guaranteed time at the gazebo meant time to herself. It was where her father would always find her. She smiled at the many times they had used the gazebo to hide from some event her mother was hosting. She wanted Jack to see that part of her life. That as blessed as she was to grow up with much, she wasn't all about the frills, high teas and formal upbringing. She wanted him to get to know her family the way she knew and loved them. She prayed that a time would come when they would al just give each other a chance. Most especially her father and Jack.

"Penny for your thoughts," a familiar voice said softly breaking her reverie. Elizabeth gasped and turned to find Jack Theodore Thornton standing there dressed in his Sunday best grinning at her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked still in shock.

"I thought I'd come and see my girl and offer myself as her escort for her sister's wedding." He answered,

"I hope that's okay," he added as she threw her arms around his neck happily. Jack's arms automatically wrapped themselves around her waist pulling her in close and tight.

"I am so glad you are here," she murmured into his chest.

"I was always going to come. I would never have left you to do this on your own. We're in this together." Elizabeth looked up at him,

"Do you remember a couple of weeks ago I left Hope Valley for a couple of days?" Elizabeth nodded,

"I came here. I came to speak with your father. I told him about how I felt about you. About what my intentions are. I told him that I loved you, and that I needed his blessing to continue to court his middle daughter because I knew how important it was to her to have his blessing. That I would do anything to make you happy and how I couldn't imagine a future where you weren't a part of it." Elizabeth's eyes filled with tears.

"You did that for me?" she asked in a whisper,

"I did it for us. Elizabeth, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. If I thought for a moment moving back to Hamilton, taking a job with your father would truly make you happy I would do it."

"I would never ask you to do that Jack, all I've ever wanted was you."

"I know that, but I also want you to know that I would do it if it meant we got to be together."

"Oh Jack," she murmured leaning her head against his chest once more tightening her arms around him.

"Wait, he gave me his blessing an hour ago. Is that..."

"Because Jack came to see me. As he stood before me I realised just how much he loved you and I wasn't going to stand in the way of your happiness." Her father answered as he appeared. He had sent Jack to the gazebo upon his arrival.

"Oh Daddy," Elizabeth cried walking into her father's embrace.

"I just want you to be happy Beth, and I can see he makes you happy."

"He does," she replied looking from Jack to William.

Whilst Elizabeth went to get ready for dinner she left Jack and her father at the gazebo, both already dressed for the evening. Her head was spinning at the revelation that had unfolded before her. Happy that Jack and William were willing to get to work on getting to know each other. As she descended down the stairs with her sisters he stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting his arm ready for her. She smiled widely at him taking his arm,

"You're beautiful Elizabeth Grace Thatcher,"

"You're quite handsome yourself Jack Theodore Thornton," She squeezed his arm as he dropped his lips to her forehead.

"I am so glad you're here."

"Me too,"

As they sat down to dinner with the immediate family, there was a part of Elizabeth that was nervous knowing the last time she and Jack were in a similar setting he ended up leaving her. Sensing the change in her demeanour he took her hand from under the table and placed it on his leg giving it a gentle squeeze. She looked at him and smiled somewhat hesitantly. Knowing the thoughts that plagued her he leaned over and kissed her temple, his hand sliding down her back.

"Sweetheart, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. We are in this together. If I am going anywhere I promise you, you will be in tow." He whispered in her ear trying to reassure her. He saw the tears pool in her eyes as she nodded,

"You and me remember?" Jack reminded her,

"You and me," she replied.

Whilst everyone had missed their subtle exchange, William did not. Jack had told him about what had happened between them after Charles had appeared and proposed to Elizabeth. He could see that there were wounds that they were still healing from and Jack's compassion for his daughter only strengthened his resolve that he would support them in any which way he could. She had certainly found the man that would love her with all of his heart and look at her as though she was the sun, the moon and the stars.

After dinner they had retreated to the ballroom. Julie was asked to play the piano. With a grin she began to play what she knew was Elizabeth's favourite song. It was the song that played the first time she and Jack had danced. Elizabeth rolled her eyes at her sister assuming she was teasing her as always. Jack chuckled and held a hand out to her,

"I believe she's playing our song, it would be sacrilege to not dance." Elizabeth laughed,

"Well if you're going to be dramatic about it." She answered taking his hand allowing him to pull her close to his chest. As they danced it felt as though they were in a world of their own, and to those who watched them, all they saw were two people devoted and hopelessly in love with the other.

"I'm here Elizabeth, today and if you'll have me for the rest of our lives." He looked deeply into her eyes as he spoke from his heart.

"I know I said I would wait until you were ready, and I will. I just want you to know, without a shadow of doubt in my mind I want to marry you and that there is no one else I can see a future with. So when you're ready, I'm ready."

"Jack, I'm ready. I've been ready," she answered softly but unwavering, without missing a beat Jack got down on one knee and held out the engagement ring that he had been holding for months. Elizabeth inwardly gasped,

"Elizabeth Grace Thatcher, will you marry me?"

"Yes, of course I'll marry you." Jack grinned like he never have before slipping the ring on her finger before standing to his feet wrapping his arms happily around her.

"You make me so happy," he stated as his gaze held hers,

"And you make me so happy."

Within moments her whole family had gathered around them. She guessed by their reaction that they knew what was coming, she dared to think that they may have been part of the his plan. As her father wrapped her into a firm embrace he kissed her forehead,

"I couldn't imagine another man more worthy of your love Beth. In the short time I have gotten to know Jack from when he came to see me, to watching him all afternoon with you, there's not a shadow of doubt in my mind that he loves you in a way I had always hoped and prayed for you girls. I'm so sorry that I didn't give him a chance."

"Thank you Daddy, that means the world to me."

That evening before they retired to bed Jack and Elizabeth had gone for a short walk and ended up back at the gazebo. The rest of their evening had gone well, she could see that they were all warming to Jack, her parents most of all.

"Thank you Jack," Elizabeth said as they sat side by side watching the moonlight, her head leaning on his shoulder as his arm was draped around her shoulder as she snuggled into him.

"For what Sweetheart?"

"For knowing how important it was for me to have their blessing, for coming here and talking to my father before I came. For loving me that much,"

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you Elizabeth,"

"I know, that goes both ways too you know."

"I do Sweetheart," he promised.

"Good, because we're in this together."


End file.
